There are many things that can potentially damage and ruin your marriage. This is a short list of some of those things. This list is in no order of importance; everything I mention below are all equally capable of ruining your marriage or at least, tainting it a bit. If you start noticing any of these things happening in your marriage, be sure to have a conversation with your spouse and talking about how you both can solve the issue at hand. Some things may actually need you to seek either help from religious figures or professionals like a marriage counselor.
I can’t stress enough how important communicating with your spouse is. Remember, if you don’t tell your spouse what it is that is bothering you, they may never know. Our spouses aren’t psychics who can read our minds. So always take the initiative to let them know how it is that you are feeling.
Now, let’s get right down to the 5 things that can potentially ruin or destroy your marriage.
1. Letting another person come in between
This is a BIG NO NO! Do not ever let anyone come in between you; do not ever invite another individual into your marriage. Not everyone has the best intentions for you or your family. In fact, there are a lot of people who may want to see you suffer and be miserable. Honestly, when it comes to this, you have to be very cautious. Do not just tell anyone about your problems. If you do need to talk to someone else outside of your spouse, then make sure it is someone you trust and is extremely close. Before trying to bring someone else in, make sure you take time to talk with your spouse. Consider the possibility that you may make things worse by bringing another individual in.
Do not just tell anyone about your problems. If you do need to talk to someone else outside of your spouse, then make sure it is someone you trust and is extremely close.
Note: I think it is important to differentiate between just anyone or your parents or someone like a Sheikh. Some married folks may be facing some real issues and need some intervening to be done between them. In these situations, obviously people who will always tell you the truth and want your overall happiness should be consulted. People like Sheikhs/Imaams and parents are OK.
2. Dishonesty: keeping secrets or lying to one another
When you hide something from your spouse or lie to them about something, did you know that you are potentially damaging your marriage? Imagine just keeping a secret from your spouse and one day they found out about it. If you weren’t hiding this and they already knew about it, they may be forgiven you. But because they may have heard it or found it from elsewhere, the pain just gets worse.
Keeping a secret from your spouse goes hand in hand with lying to each other. When you lie, you are not only damaging your marriage, you are ruining the foundation of trust. In my “Is Honesty The Best Policy” post, I wrote about how lying impacts marriage. Remember, lying to your spouse can potentially cause them to be suspicious of you, to not believe you or even worse, to not trust you. In any relationship, trust is a key element that must be present. By being dishonest, you are risking the trust in your marriage to dissolve.
3. Having too many fights or arguments
When you fight a lot, things will definitely become different in terms of how you see your spouse. More and more problems arise that you want to fight about. When fighting becomes a habit, it drains you. You became devastated, unable to focus, and it negatively impacts how you view your marriage.
Too many fights lead your marriage into bigger issues and you’ll find yourself fighting about even the most little things. Not to mention how energy draining it is. Recognizing your wrong in the fight and apologizing right away if you need to may solve the problem. Too many times, you may feel that you have done nothing wrong and are willing to fight about whatever it is that you feel strongly about.
Instead of draining your energy and causing a resentment toward your spouse, be the bigger person. If you need to walk away to clear your head, do so. Both you and your spouse have the power and ability to choose better. Do not argue about things that do not matter. The next time you feel that a fight may break out between you and your spouse, think of something that you can do to stop that fight. Does your spouse just want a simple apology and that will make this fight go away? Well, I suggest you say sorry and save yourself a lot of unnecessary stress.
4. Having an affair or cheating on your spouse
Cheating on your spouse is the worst thing you can do to your marriage and one thing that will definitely ruin your marriage. You shatter the trust your spouse had, you damage and stain the marriage in a way that it will never be the same again. Your spouse will always feel, even if they forgive, a pain that may never go away or that they re-live from time to time. Remember the quote, “trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” This is huge and I do not need to spend too much time on it. Please don’t ever let yourself get here. It is really hard to come back from. This is a line you never want to cross.
5. Money
Finances problems lead to huge issues that can potentially cause your marriage to fail. Who makes more, who isn’t bringing anything to the table, who decides how much to spend on or how much NOT to spend! When you and your spouse are not on the same page about money, problems will arise.
Some people are very stingy, while others are overly compulsive when it comes to money. It is important to be living within your means and not trying to spend money you don’t have. Also, do not spend money just for spending it. Consider saving money so that you have something in to fall back on, on a rainy day. Friends, this area is one area that really, really, really needs effective communication and planning. Make sure your finances are in order and that you’re planning smart about money.
What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comment section below.
As always, I leave you with lots of love. XOXO
Sahra
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